Deliberate unforgiveness

In decades now I have rarely heard of Deliberate unforgiveness being mentioned as a basic cause of divorce or of  the ongoing marital problems.. and yet it   undeniably is..  

I am sure even you have heard of bitter, unfriendly divorces where spouses refused to talk to each even decades later, and yet I am certain that in these very same cases wrongful Deliberate unforgiveness was a basic cause of the same divorce..
 
There is still also conditional forgiveness, and unconditional forgiveness too..

Our Unconditional forgiveness is when we choose to accept all the past  negative consequences due to the other person’s bad acts  and to merely forgive the same person fully anyway… and we decide also at the same time not pursue a course of personal vengeance in the matter. Rather we ascribe  to God’s own related acts of venegeance fully next in the same matter.

Then there is the conditional forgiveness where we are willing to forgive the persons solely firstly if they do admit their wrongs, sins, repent of them and ask for our forgiveness and agree to the appropriate punishment terms..

Now there for sure that some things cannot be merely next unconditionally forgiven.. such as when one spouse continues to cheat, lies, steal, commit adultery..

The type of forgiveness  and related consequences may depend on whether the offending person  knew what he or she was doing was wrong now too.. and how sincere, quckly they had now repented too, even if they had dones so on their own too.

Even Unforgiveness can still have negative consequences on both parties even as well.. it for sure can cause a lot of personal stress, bitterness, wasted energies too on the offended party in addition to the harm already done.

When can I forgive, and when can I not forgive someone? may also depend on how big of price are you willing now to pay next for doing so? or not doing so?

If you don’t forgive those who have sinned against you, it is very probable that you will suffer some health problems. If you carry around a grudge it will stress your immune system to the point you can develop everything from cancer to a common cold. THAT’S A FACT! Therefore, if it is possible and does not violate another’s rights – forgive and forget. It is best for you?
 
(1 Tim 5:20 KJV)  Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.(1 Tim 5:21 KJV)  I charge thee before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, and the elect angels, that thou observe these things without preferring one before another, doing nothing by partiality.
 
(Rev 3:19 KJV)  As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.
 
Everyone has been wronged, offended, and had even sinned against  some one at some point in life. How are we to respond when such offenses occur? According to some fundamentals who say, or are they going overboard with this too?  they say that the Bible commands that we are to unconditionally forgive others, we now are to forgive everyone. Ephesians 4:32 declares, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Similarly, Colossians 3:13 proclaims, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” The key in both Scriptures of these isolated verse of course  neglecting any others is that we are to forgive others, as God has forgiven us. It is also understood that a brother has repented, is sorry for their wrongdoings?
 
Why do we forgive? Because we have been forgiven! But is that necessary so? God himself does not forgive us for all of our sins automatically, his conditions for forgiveness needs to be still met according to the same Bible..
 
 I am rightfully  inclined also to believe you don’t always have the right to forgive a person who has not repented themselves  for God will not hear your prayer on the matter – that act may even be a sin against God – – for you to misuse your authority in this manner may be an unacceptable sin.  
 
(John 5:14 KJV)  Afterward Jesus findeth him in the temple, and said unto him, Behold, thou art made whole: sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee.
 
(John 8:10 KJV)  When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? 11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.
 
(Mat 18:15 KJV)  Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
 
(Luke 17:3 KJV)  Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
 
(Mark 11:25 KJV)  And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
 
(Mat 6:12 KJV)  And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
 
(Mat 6:14 KJV)  For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:15  But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
 
(Mat 18:21 KJV)  Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? (Luke 17:4 KJV)  And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.
 
(Mat 18:35 KJV)  So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.
 
(Luke 6:37 KJV)  Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:
 
(Luke 23:34 KJV)  Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.
 
(2 Cor 2:7 KJV)  So that contrariwise ye ought rather to forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow.
 
(2 Cor 2:10 KJV)  To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also: for if I forgave any thing, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ; 

(1 John 1:9 KJV)  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
   
(Gal 6:7 KJV)  Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. 8  For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.
 
(Heb 12:4 KJV)  Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin. 5  And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:  6  For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. 7  If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? 8  But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. 9  Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? 10  For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. 11  Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. 12  Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees; 13  And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed. 

(1 John 5:16 KJV)  If any man see his brother sin a sin which is not unto death, he shall ask, and he shall give him life for them that sin not unto death. There is a sin unto death: I do not say that he shall pray for it.
 
(1 John 5:17 KJV)  All unrighteousness is sin: and there is a sin not unto death.
 
(Mat 9:6 KJV)  But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins, (then saith he to the sick of the palsy,) Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house.
 
(Deu 32:35 KJV)  To me belongeth vengeance, and recompense; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.
 
(Deu 32:41 KJV)  If I whet my glittering sword, and mine hand take hold on judgment; I will render vengeance to mine enemies, and will reward them that hate me.
 
(Deu 32:43 KJV)  Rejoice, O ye nations, with his people: for he will avenge the blood of his servants, and will render vengeance to his adversaries, and will be merciful unto his land, and to his people.
 
(Psa 58:10 KJV)  The righteous shall rejoice when he seeth the vengeance: he shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked.
 
(Psa 94:1 KJV)  O LORD God, to whom vengeance belongeth; O God, to whom vengeance belongeth, show thyself.
 
(Psa 99:8 KJV)  Thou answeredst them, O LORD our God: thou wast a God that forgavest them, though thou tookest vengeance of their inventions.
 
(Psa 149:7 KJV)  To execute vengeance upon the heathen, and punishments upon the people;
 
(Prov 6:34 KJV)  For jealousy is the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.
 
(Isa 34:8 KJV)  For it is the day of the Lord’s vengeance, and the year of recompenses for the controversy of Zion.
 
(Isa 35:4 KJV)  Say to them that are of a fearful heart, Be strong, fear not: behold, your God will come with vengeance, even God with a recompense; he will come and save you.
 
(Isa 47:3 KJV)  Thy nakedness shall be uncovered, yea, thy shame shall be seen: I will take vengeance, and I will not meet thee as a man.
 
(Isa 59:17 KJV)  For he put on righteousness as a breastplate, and an helmet of salvation upon his head; and he put on the garments of vengeance for clothing, and was clad with zeal as a cloak.
 
(Isa 61:2 KJV)  To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn;
 
(Isa 63:4 KJV)  For the day of vengeance is in mine heart, and the year of my redeemed is come.
 
(Jer 20:12 KJV)  But, O LORD of hosts, that triest the righteous, and seest the reins and the heart, let me see thy vengeance on them: for unto thee have I opened my cause.
 
(Jer 46:10 KJV)  For this is the day of the Lord GOD of hosts, a day of vengeance, that he may avenge him of his adversaries: and the sword shall devour, and it shall be satiate and made drunk with their blood: for the Lord GOD of hosts hath a sacrifice in the north country by the river Euphrates.
 
(Jer 50:15 KJV)  Shout against her round about: she hath given her hand: her foundations are fallen, her walls are thrown down: for it is the vengeance of the LORD: take vengeance upon her; as she hath done, do unto her.
 
(Jer 50:28 KJV)  The voice of them that flee and escape out of the land of Babylon, to declare in Zion the vengeance of the LORD our God, the vengeance of his temple.
 
(Jer 51:6 KJV)  Flee out of the midst of Babylon, and deliver every man his soul: be not cut off in her iniquity; for this is the time of the LORD’S vengeance; he will render unto her a recompense.
 
(Jer 51:36 KJV)  Therefore thus saith the LORD; Behold, I will plead thy cause, and take vengeance for thee; and I will dry up her sea, and make her springs dry.
 
(Ezek 25:14 KJV)  And I will lay my vengeance upon Edom by the hand of my people Israel: and they shall do in Edom according to mine anger and according to my fury; and they shall know my vengeance, saith the Lord GOD.
 
(Ezek 25:15 KJV)  Thus saith the Lord GOD; Because the Philistines have dealt by revenge, and have taken vengeance with a despiteful heart, to destroy it for the old hatred;
 
(Ezek 25:17 KJV)  And I will execute great vengeance upon them with furious rebukes; and they shall know that I am the LORD, when I shall lay my vengeance upon them.
 
(Micah 5:15 KJV)  And I will execute vengeance in anger and fury upon the heathen, such as they have not heard.
 
(Nahum 1:2 KJV)  God is jealous, and the LORD revengeth; the LORD revengeth, and is furious; the LORD will take vengeance on his adversaries, and he reserveth wrath for his enemies.
 
(Luke 21:22 KJV)  For these be the days of vengeance, that all things which are written may be fulfilled.
 
(Rom 3:5 KJV)   Is God unrighteous who taketh vengeance?
 
(Rom 12:19 KJV)  Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
 
(2 Th 1:8 KJV)  In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
 
(Heb 10:30 KJV)  For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people.
 
(Jude 1:7 KJV)  Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.
 
When I hear too often the mostly poor Biblical theology coming out of many person’s mouth even these days, I know that they are clearly not only ignorant of God’s words in the Bible, and they have not been mediating on it as well but I also tend to know they are still not Holy Spirit filled or led too.
 
Anyone Forgiving someone does still  not tend to remove possible negative consequences upon that persons, for after all they still need to ask for and accept God’s forgiveness and resulting positive consequences.. God tends to forgive but that does not mean he still may no prescribe some appropriate negative pushiest, consequences as a deterrent to stop from sinning again too.. for those who God loves
 
(Psa 39:11 KJV)  When thou with rebukes dost correct man for iniquity, thou makest his beauty to consume away like a moth: surely every man is vanity. Selah.
 
(Psa 94:10 KJV)  He that chastiseth the heathen, shall not he correct? he that teacheth man knowledge, shall not he know?
 
(Jer 2:19 KJV)  Thine own wickedness shall correct thee, and thy backslidings shall reprove thee: know therefore and see that it is an evil thing and bitter, that thou hast forsaken the LORD thy God, and that my fear is not in thee, saith the Lord GOD of hosts.
 
(Jer 10:24 KJV)  O LORD, correct me, but with judgment; not in thine anger, lest thou bring me to nothing.
 
(Jer 30:11 KJV)  For I am with thee, saith the LORD, to save thee: though I make a full end of all nations whither I have scattered thee, yet will I not make a full end of thee: but I will correct thee in measure, and will not leave thee altogether unpunished.
 
(2 Sam 7:14 KJV)  I will be his father, and he shall be my son. If he commit iniquity, I will chasten him with the rod of men, and with the stripes of the children of men:
 
(Psa 6:1 KJV)   O LORD, rebuke me not in thine anger, neither chasten me in thy hot displeasure. 
 
(Prov 19:18 KJV)  Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
 
(Dan 10:12 KJV)  Then said he unto me, Fear not, Daniel: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words.
 
(Rev 3:19 KJV)  As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent. 

 

Find out also how to receive full unconditional  pardon from God now for your own sins,  a full  forgiveness for your sins, by the paid penalty for the sins through the shed innocent blood of Jesus Christ the Messiah. You cannot earn it, it is free by faith in Him. The Bible says God accepts us on the basis of what He did, not on the basis of what we try to do. We can’t “pay” for God’s forgiveness by working harder or serving more fervently. King David was  a murderer and an adulterer too who found forgiveness from God!     http://beauty4ashes.org/salvation/salvation.html

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  1. “there’s no one answer to abuse…..here is one that helps you till God deals with the other person.. he often takes them away from you, and some even die early
    http://alabaxterblog.wordpress.com/2008/08/15/the-answer-to-abuse/

    I know my life changed and the violence went out of it when I met Jesus, the lover of my soul. I was different. I am different. I am changing day by day – more into His likeness – and less like the world patterned me. Less like the one all the bad decisions made me. More like someone you could trust and respect.

    Here’s a study to show you how to live in such a way abuse is not in the picture. I did this study many years ago, and it is still motivating. It is still the best guage for behavior no one is ashamed of – it’s what Jesus wants to find in us. He is the only one who can change us – take advantage of that fact. He will help you.

    In the meantime, I grieve for you who are hurting – and I’m praying for you to meet the Savior.

    An Illustration of Abundant Life in the New Testament.

    (All scriptures NKJV unless otherwise noted.)

    LOVE ONE ANOTHER

    John 13:34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another

    John 15:12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

    John 15:17 These things I command you, that you love one another.

    Romans 13:8 Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law.

    1 Thessalonians 4:9 But concerning brotherly love you have no need that I should write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another;

    1 Peter 1:22 Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart,

    1 John 3:11 For this is the message that you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another,

    1 John 3:23 And this is His commandment: that we should believe on the name of His Son Jesus Christ and love one another, as He gave us commandment.

    1 John 4:7, 11, 12 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God…Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us.

    2 John 5 And now I plead with you, lady, not as though I wrote a new commandment to you, but that which we have had from the beginning: that we love one another.

    BE KINDLY AFFECTIONATE ONE TO ANOTHER

    Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;

    PREFERRING ONE ANOTHER

    Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another

    DON‘T JUDGE ONE ANOTHER

    Romans 14:13 Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.

    RECEIVE ONE ANOTHER

    Romans 15:7 Therefore receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God

    GREET ONE ANOTHER WITH A HOLY KISS

    Romans 16:16 Greet one another with a holy kiss. The churches of Christ greet you.

    2 Corinthians 13:12 Greet one another with a holy kiss

    1 Corinthians 16:20 All the brethren greet you. Greet one another with a holy kiss.

    1 Peter 5:14 Greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace to you all who are in Christ Jesus. Amen.

    BE KIND ONE TO ANOTHER

    Ephesians 4:32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.

    FORGIVING, FORBEARING ONE ANOTHER

    Ephesians 4:2 with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace

    Colossians 3:13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.

    ADMONISH, EXHORT, TEACH AND PROVOKE ONE ANOTHER

    Romans 15:14 Now I myself am confident concerning you, my brethren, that you also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another.

    Colossians 3:16-17 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.

    Hebrews 3:13 but exhort one another daily, while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.

    Hebrews 10:24-25 And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.

    COMFORT ONE ANOTHER, EDIFY ONE ANOTHER

    1 Thessalonians 4:18 Therefore comfort one another with these words

    1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.

    SERVE ONE ANOTHER,

    Galatians 5:13 For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.

    BE SUBMISSIVE ONE TO ANOTHER

    Ephesians 5:21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.

    1 Peter 5:5 5 Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.””

    Reply
  2. ucanwalkonwater

     /  August 17, 2008

    Amen! No additonal comment necessary.

    Reply
  1. Todd Bentley, someone has to say it to you.. « Posted at wordpress.com

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