(Prov 21:9 KJV)  It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

Bullies, abusers, liars, slanderers tend to be clearly immoral persons who try to enslave others uancceptably even if they profess to be Christian or what ever,,

>>My ex-husband smokes pot and drinks a lot, and I am told, so does his girlfriend. He once told me that I am too righteous because I don’t drink or do drugs, and I attend church.

and that was a verbal abuse if I have ever seen one..

so do thank God daily that he has now removed your from this  abusive relationship..

and do ask Him, God  to take all the tears away and he will.

(Psa 4:8 KJV)  I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety.

(Rev 21:4 KJV)  And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

and there still can be a good life after divorce with God’s help…

Truly any type of abuse is unacceptable and anywhere too

and exposing it loudly in public as well as calling the police is the best way to deal with it for everyone’s benefit, the abuser included.

God himself clearly does not accept verbal, physical, or human rights abuses

(Mat 18:6 KJV) But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

(Mat 18:7 KJV) Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!

(Mat 18:8 KJV) Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.

No we ALL cannot STOP, take the ostrich approach under the guise of love to the definite bad acts of others, we as Christians are still called to be fruit inspectors of those who profess to be Christians ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY RARELY QUOTE IT in actual context OR LIVE THE BIBLE THEY CLAIM THEY BELIEVE IN-

(Gen 31:42 KJV) Except the God of my father, the God of Abraham, and the fear of Isaac, had been with me, surely thou hadst sent me away now empty. God hath seen mine affliction and the labour of my hands, and rebuked thee yesternight.

(Lev 19:17 KJV) Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him.

(Neh 5:7 KJV) Then I consulted with myself, and I rebuked the nobles, and the rulers, and said unto them, Ye exact usury, every one of his brother. And I set a great assembly against them.

(Psa 119:21 KJV) Thou hast rebuked the proud that are cursed, which do err from thy commandments.

(Prov 24:25 KJV) But to them that rebuke him shall be delight, and a good blessing shall come upon them.

(Prov 27:5 KJV) Open rebuke is better than secret love.

(Eccl 7:5 KJV) It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise, than for a man to hear the song of fools.

(Mat 17:18 KJV) And Jesus rebuked the devil; and he departed out of him: and the child was cured from that very hour.

(Mark 1:25 KJV) And Jesus rebuked him, saying, Hold thy peace, and come out of him.

(Mark 4:39 KJV) And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.

(Mark 8:33 KJV) But when he had turned about and looked on his disciples, he rebuked Peter, saying, Get thee behind me, Satan: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but the things that be of men.

(1 Tim 5:20 KJV) Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.

(2 Tim 4:2 KJV) Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine.

(Titus 1:13 KJV) This witness is true. Wherefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith;

(Titus 2:15 KJV) These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no man despise thee.

(Heb 12:5 KJV) And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:

(Rev 3:19 KJV) As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.

“This is from the book by Patricia Evans http://andthenshecried.wordpress.com/2008/02/05/the-verbally-abusive-relationship-how-to-recognize-it-and-how-to-respond

Verbal abuse is a kind of battering which doesn’t leave evidence like physical abuse does. However, it can be just as painful, and recovery can take much longer. The victim of abuse lives in a gradually more confusing realm. In public she is with one man, in private he becomes another. Often, for the verbally abused woman (man), there is no witness to her reality and no one to understand her experiences. Friends and family continue to see her ex, the abuser, as a really good guy and, certainly, he agrees with them. The verbal abuser, while maintaining his charm with others, always takes his abuse behind closed doors. It is a means of holding power over his wife( husband) /partner.. Many women and some men leave a marriage and come back into the singles’ world with the diminished self-esteem that comes from a verbally abusive relationship. The fact that many of these women (men) have never even realized that they were being abused, makes it easy for them to enter another abusive relationship. A verbal abuser is an insecure person and immature person who is looking for power and control over another.In order to help you recognize abuse, remember that all forms of verbal abuse are methods of manipulating you for the purpose of establishing power over you. The following are some of the forms of verbal abuse the author helps you recognize.

1. Withholding: a purposeful, silent treatment.
2. Countering: a countering of your ideas, feelings, and perceptions, even going so far as to refute what he misconstrues you to have said.
3. Discounting–a putdown of you or something you hold dear.
4. Blocking and diverting–this is a sneaky, covert way of violating your dignity.
5. Accusation and blame: generally involves lies about the partner’s intentions, attitudes, and motives. The author states that accusation and blame is present in all verbally abusive relationships.
6. Judging and criticizing: lies about your personal qualities and performance.
7. Trivializing and undermining: abusive behavior which makes light of your work, your efforts, your interests, or your concerns. The abuser attempts to dilute meaning and value in your life. Undermining might occur when your partner laughs at you, for example, when you burn yourself cooking. It is also jokes at your expense. Undermining is occurring when you feel a “so-called joke” is mean rather than funny.
8. Name calling: no one has a right to call you degrading names. Name calling is verbal abuse.
9. Ordering: Telling you to do something, rather than asking, or making decisions for you or for the two of you without your input.
10. Forgetting and denial: the trickiest form of denial is forgetting. Become aware that forgetting is a form of denial that shifts all responsibility from the abuser to some “weakness of mind.”
11. Abusive anger: this seems to be closely linked to the need to “blow up,” to dominate, to control, to go one up, and to put down. Any time you are snapped at or yelled at, you are being abused.

If you counter the abuser or attempt to explain yourself, you will probably be met with such statements as, “I don’t want to hear it, get out of my face” or “Woman you don’t have the brains“, “B” You shouldn’t have said that to me“.

If you are in a brand-new relationship and see warning signs of verbal abuse, the author suggests you might be wise to let the relationship go. It is not likely that a man (woman) who needs to dominate and control will change easily, if at all. It is also likely that when the newness of the relationship wears off, he will become more abusive. Verbal abuse can become physical in time and physical abuse is always preceded by verbal abuse, according to Evans.If you are in a long-term relationship, you can respond to the abuser as the book suggests and soon discover for yourself whether or not your mate is willing to change and stop his abusive behavior.

“If you have been verbally abused in your relationship, you may have discovered that explaining and trying to understand have not improved your relationship. Therefore, I recommend that you respond in a new way–a way that will make an emotional, psychological, and intellectual impact upon your mate.”

The abuser in your relationship may change when he finds that you do know when you are being abused, that you have set limits, that you mean what you say, and that you will not take behavior you don’t like.

If the man ( or sadly too often now a women) in your relationship remains abusive, it is not only not your fault,” it is  your responsibility to deal with it, make it public, call the police too.

Any person cannot still fight with you of you leave his or her presences, even forever.. and there is still a good life after a failed marriage now too. I practise what I preach and often now too.

The first spouse, love seems  is always the best one in our false pride.. and I know what that is like too.. WE SEEM ALL TO REPEAT OUR BAD TASTE, VALUES.. When they let a person out a prison they generally have a rule not to let them return to his old environment, past home, for five years.. otherwise they will be under the same old bad habits, dispositions too..

NOTE I lost once everything I had owned.. still next I replaced it all with the same things, even though I never used most of them, old habits and bad tastes DO die hard still too for almost all of us..

Now still reporting publically the abusers, and calling the POLICE TOO most often solves the abuse problem the best.. for if the evil persons do not feel real negative personal consequences, REAL negative public exposures, they really have no reasons to change their bad habits next and likely then never will.

I rightfully too tend to openly expose all abusers, all bad people, all bad churches, all bad politicians, all bad corporations that I come across, and  often and I  also do do call the police, regulating authorities  often and demand they all be fired,   be put in jail too.

I was also still surprised how popular this post now is too.

http://thefocusonthefamily.wordpress.com/